If you could speak with your baby when they were aged 20, what would you say and where would you meet?
For me, I would want to say so many things. Things that filled my heart from the moment I knew he existed. Things that crushed me when I learned he was gone. Things I wish I could share with him every day. It has only been 6 months since he was here, and already I have so much to tell him. I want to tell him how missing him has been the most terrible pain in our lives and loving him the biggest blessing. I want to tell him that his Dad is starting to learn to live again slowly, and that he will never be the same because of him. Becoming a Wilder's dad has been my husband's favorite thing about life and he is most proud of his beautiful son. I would tell him that he is the last thing we think about before sleep, the first thing we think of when we wake, and without him our lives seem afloat without purpose. I would say I hope there is an afterlife so I can hold him, kiss him, and show him how much I adore him. I would tell him of what life brought to us after he had to leave. Hopefully of siblings, health, and (though bittersweet perhaps) a happiness while we live with our grief for him.
And to answer the second part of this grief prompt, I would meet him in our old apartment where he lived with us under the mountain that resembled his profile where the great horned owls hoot throughout the night, where I sang him his lullabies, where he was created and died.
Love you baby xoxo
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